Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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