we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
