Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
