Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
tell me about the eggs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
