nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize