oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
