I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
