So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
