What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
