I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
