dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
