I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
