I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
