I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
there is glitter all over my balls
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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