Your dad touched me again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
