i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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