it was like his penis was on wheels.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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