When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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