i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
