I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
