Screwed.edu
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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