the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
