oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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