Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You made out with two different species that night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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