Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
