I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
