I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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