i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
