Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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