I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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