I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize