Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
