ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
