Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
