I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
