xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
