unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
