No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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