did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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