My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
