I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
