She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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