i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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