I'm so fucking centered right now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
