my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
