Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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