Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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