If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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