i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
