Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize