Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
