i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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