This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We smell like vodka and hangover
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
