remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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