dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
