They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
