halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
