is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
