Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
