things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
